Album Review: "Non-Stop Erotic Cabaret" by Soft Cell

"I would like you on a long black leash. I will parade you down the high streets". -Sex Dwarf

The year is 1982 and the USA is blind to the future right in front of it. With the death of disco in the mainstream music scene in 1980, the American charts were flooded with a sudden rush of adult contemporary ballads, country-pop, and mainstream rock; safe, familiar genres. The few years between disco's demise and the Second British Invasion can easily be looked back on as some of the safest, most conservative years of the rock era.

It's with this context in mind that we are presented with "Non-Stop Erotic Cabaret" by Soft Cell, released in 1981 in the UK and 1982 in the US. Their single "Tainted Love", was one of the first trickles of British synthpop to reach American radio before it would flood the airwaves by 1983.

The following is a track-by-track review:

1. Frustration: The story of an average man wanting to break every rule and "set a bad, bad example". The music reflects the theme of the song well and would make an excellent soundtrack for banging one's head against a wall. 4/5

2. Tainted Love: Does this one even need a review? We've all heard it a million times on the radio, and with good reason. Listen to it again after hearing the entire album to fully appreciate it. 5/5

3. Seedy Films: The only song I've heard that makes me feel nostalgic for the Times Square porno theatres that went out of business long before I could have entered one. A bit lyrically awkward, but if you're into feeling up porno stars in public while watching their films, you've found your song. 3/5

4. Youth: All of a sudden our trip to the Non-Stop Erotic Cabaret isn't quite so titillating. As the self-awareness of a 20-something in a hookup sets in at the most depressing moment possible, Youth brings the "erotic" part of our trip to a screeching halt. Not all fantasies are best lived out perhaps. 2/5

5. Sex Dwarf: Just like that, we can forget the cautionary dirge of Youth and dive headfirst back into our diminutive fantasies. A complete joke of a song, but a frantic good time regardless. 4/5

6. Entertain Me: At this point I'm convinced Mark Bell, Soft Cell's lead singer and primary songwriter, must have done some comedy work before. Either that or he has had some truly horrendous performances in his career, although they certainly sound like they're be fun to see in their own way. 4/5

7. Chips On My Shoulder: Transitions in perfectly from Entertain Me, but a bit too preachy for me. Funny how the message about slacktivism still seems to resonate so much today. Much more fun musically than lyrically. 3/5

8. Bedsitter: For reference, a bedsitter is a type of British housing accommodation comparable to a boarding room and in some cases a studio apartment. Bedsitter is Youth's more positive cousin, who, while sharing in the same convictions about the hollowness of 20-something city life, takes it all much less seriously. 3/5

9. Secret Life: Set to the music of their cover of Where Did Our Love Go? from the extended mix of Tainted Love, Secret Life could be described as our late-album check-in with the man from Frustration. Describing the struggles of a married man juggling his public and private lives, all I can do is laugh at his self-inflicted misfortune and maybe feel some slight pity for his wife. 4/5

10. Say Hello, Wave Goodbye: Proving that Soft Cell is actually capable of making more than comedic sex songs, our trip to the Non-Stop Erotic Cabaret ends on a bittersweet breakup ballad. Emotionally yearning and never quite feeling as if you've reached a conclusive end, it leaves you with the musical equivalent of an unsatisfying breakup. 4/5

Conclusion:Ultimately greater than the sum of its parts due to the sheer consistency and fun of this sleaze-fest, Non-Stop Erotic Cabaret serves as an excellent introduction to the more risqué side of New Wave and Synthpop. An OG of the Second British Invasion, this record manages to be filthy, hilarious, depressing, and extremely danceable, often at varying points within individual songs. A true classic among certain communities, it's well worth the ticket price to the Cabaret. 4/5

Trash Fact: The original Sex Dwarf video was confiscated by the police after a raid of Soft Cell's HQ. It was deemed pornographic and too obscene for mass distribution. It's been intermittently posted online, being regularly posted to and removed from YouTube. It was removed several weeks ago by YouTube as of the making of this review.