Dating Sucks & I Suck At It

Human beings are such strange creatures. We have these things, called hearts. Hearts are unpredictable, erratic, illogical, and easily prone to both immense joy and immense despair. While those moments of immense joy can certainly be nice, boy oh boy do those moments of despair hit you like an unexpected subway train straight to your gut when you turn around unexpectedly.

Yet again, knowing the potential for these feelings, I chose to be distant. I chose to play it cool, hold back on physical intimacy, and be logical rather than passionate in my interactions. But here I find myself being told again that I’m a great boyfriend on paper, but don’t quite have “it” that is being searched for.

Part of me thinks that my holding back helps limit my emotional investment for when this happens. I think there’s some truth to that. But by now I can’t help but wonder if the way I go about dating drains those who go out with me of passion. Maybe in a way I’m not playing high stakes enough but can’t get a payoff for that exact reason, even if losses are manageable.

Or maybe I need someone who respects my initial boundaries more and actually means it when they say they’re okay going slow. Unfortunately not everyone approaches things the same way, as much as I wish everyone approached things how I do personally. Regardless, I guess the result’s the same for now.

One day, maybe that person will come, and it will truly be an amazing experience like no other before. Until then, I’ll work on loving myself, being my own partner in crime, and being my own partner in life.

-Brycersonic